Is sex pure in Yahweh’s eyes? Does Yahweh’s way of marriage look the same as the world’s way of marriage? What standard should a lady hold herself to? What standard should she hold a man to? What value is there in waiting for marriage to have sex? Come see in this Journal Entry a perspective of marriage and sex that you may have not seen before in the Bible!
What I have found to be true is: what Yahweh says is right, the world will most likely say it’s wrong (Isaiah 5:20-21). Yahweh says that marriage is between one man and one woman. The world says that’s wrong. Yahweh says sex is only for His marriage boundaries. The world says that’s wrong. Why do they say it’s wrong? Because the blind is leading the blind (Romans 1:21-23). The beginning of wisdom starts with the fear of Yahweh (Proverbs 9:10). The world has no reverential fear of Yahweh. They disregard Him, dishonor Him, and blaspheme Him. So they are blind, though they profess themselves to be woke.
I know the culture and the world today have belittled Yahweh’s boundaries for marriage. But that doesn’t mean we are to belittle them. Yahweh honors His boundaries. He honors His plan for our life. He honors our yielding and obedience to Him. Where He has put marriage on our heart then He has marriage for us. If it’s not happening when or how we want it to, it doesn’t mean we go and make it happen for ourself. That’s where heart ache happens. That’s where babies outside the covering of marriage happen.
The 60s brought on the perspective of “free love.” Which translates into “free sex.” Sex is not free. If the proper price of sex is not paid – unity in Yahweh’s marriage boundaries, then there is another price that’s paid – soul wounds, hurts, devaluing of self, hardening of heart toward Yahweh and others, devaluing of others, soul ties to each sexual partner with each sexual encounter, as well as, other physical issues that arise out of these encounters. These encounters shape and move how we go through and perceive life. If we keep holding on to these encounters, and not get healed and delivered from them with Yahweh’s help, then they shape and direct our path in ways that lead to failure, not success. They become stumbling blocks in our life.
In today’s society it’s declared that sex before marriage is commen, and even expected. In Christ it is not commen, nor expected. Self control is expected (2 Peter 1:5-7). Purity is expected (1 Timothy 4:12). Holiness is expected (1 Peter 1:13-16). I’m not saying the church expects these standards. I’m talking about that Jesus expects these standards from us. Is it possible to fail these expectations? Yes. But should we still strive to be mindful of our actions, what environments we are in, who we are alone with, to be purposeful of staying out of temptation? Yes! It’s called wisdom. The Bible is very clear that wisdom, in regard to sex, is that sex stays in Yahweh’s marriage boundaries (Hebrews 13:4).
Sex in itself is not love. It’s like a hug or a kiss. It’s an expression of love. When out of proper place of use it’s an act of selfishness. Yahweh created sex for the soul use and purpose to be in His marriage boundaries. Why? Because it is the most intimate representation of His intimacy with us; to be completely open, honest, and vulnerable with each other, inside each other as a man and a woman can possible be together. A man and a woman together are a reflection of Yahweh’s character and person as a whole (Genesis 1:26-27). So a man and a woman together in intimacy declares Yahweh’s image and His deepest intimacy. That’s why the enemy is always trying to distort and destroy Yahweh’s marriage boundaries for sex. He doesn’t want Yahweh glorified. Nor does He want Yahweh’s intimate love to be declared, nor glorified.
In the old Bible times the main records of a marriage was that the woman or man went into the other’s tent and laid with them (Genesis 24:67). There wasn’t really anything said about a wedding feast or a wedding ceremony. So it may have been that going into the person’s tent was the wedding feast and ceremony. They skipped the expensive celebrations and went straight for the honeymoon! What we do see is that there was a mutual understanding and consent in their hearts and mind that this is who they are married to. There were dowries and gifts given as a purchase of the bride (Genesis 24:53). The marriage wasn’t done in secret. It was known and understood that these two were married, so no other man would take another’s wife unintentionally. There was an understanding that no one proper was to have sex outside the marriage boundaries. Sex was only for marriage.
Sex did not make the two married. We can see this with the distinction between wives and concubines. A wife had standing in the home, and a concubine had no standing in the home. The concubine was a slave. There was something other than sex that made them married. The difference was the price for the wife was higher. When a man was going to marry a woman he made a great presentation of what he gave to purchase the bride. There were often gifts of jewelry and cloth for clothes; there were gifts of animals for farming, and food and drink for the father and family of the bride. Other times the man promised a time of service to work for the father-in-law to be (Genesis 29:18). In other words, the man gave a great sacrifice for the bride. At times the bride’s family gave a gift to the groom’s family, but the man was always required to be the one who ultimately gave the sacrifice; just like Jesus was the one who gave the sacrifice for us, His bride.
However, in regard to the concubine, the man paid a slave’s price for her. The price was cheep and of low value. She was only someone to have sex with when he felt like it; she usually did not have a choice in the matter. She cleaned his house, washed his clothes, and cooked his food, and worked in the field to bring in the harvest. She paid more for the relationship than he ever would for her. Concubines were not Yahweh’s plan. That was the enemy tempting man from the desires of his heart (James 1:13-15). Concubines are outside of Yahweh’s marriage boundaries.
Having sex with someone outside Yahweh’s marriage boundaries doesn’t mean we are married to them. It means we have a lot of ungodly soul ties and soul wounds with someone. There is a feeling of shame and an obligation to marry them; especially for us ladies. But that obligation is not love. There is freedom and joy in Yahweh’s love.
Do you see this, ladies? When we freely give our sex away to a man, we are acting like a cheep concubine. We are acting like slaves. As children of Yahweh, we are not slaves! We are fine quality ladies (1 Peter 2:9-10). We are worth every bit of the great sacrifice a man pays for us. Does it mean we are to be snobs about it? No, but we can hold ourself to a higher standard and expect to be treated with honor and tenderness; not as a slave to serve a man’s needs or wants only. Ladies, we are worth more than a slave’s price. We are worth a bride’s price. We are worth the place of honor in our home.
Ladies, we are worth so much more than to be a concubine. If a man does not pursue us through marriage to have our honey – to have our sex, then he’s not worth being around. Sex is a precious gift. It is the most intimate a male and female can be together. To throw away that beautiful gift before swine – a pig, is foolish (Matthew 7:6). It means we, as a woman, do not know our value nor worth. A man must buy the whole beehive before getting the honey to truly value a woman. If we’re giving our honey away before marriage thinking he’s going to marry us, why should he? He doesn’t value the relationship like we do. He has no reason for commitment. He’s getting what’s important to him with no responcability. Why should he buy the whole bee hive, and do the work to care for the whole bee hive when we are giving out the honey for free?
Ladies. Value yourself. Value who you are as a woman. Giving our sex away outside Yahweh’s marriage boundaries is not wisdom. It’s foolishness. If we, ladies, are just wanting to have sex and no commitment then we have lost sight of our value and worth; especially, our value and worth of who we are in Christ. In Christ we are a valued jewel, a pearl. (Matthew 13:45-46). We are precious. We are worth waiting for. If a man doesn’t see our value and worth to wait for marriage to have sex with us, then he is not worth hanging around with. He is trying to push us into something that is perverted in Gods eyes. Let him go. Yahweh has someone better for us. He has someone who will see our worth and value us. He has someone who will wait until marriage for us to share our honey with. There is a price to pay for honey. Let’s not diminish the value of our honey by giving our honey out for free to anyone who passes by (Proverbs 5:15-23).
Ladies, we desire a relationship. We are wanting a man who is good, kind and worthy to call us his wife, and us to call him our husband; but we are giving him every excuse as to why not to be good, kind, and worthy for us. We want him to straighten up and fly right; then that means we have to straighten up and fly right. He may not like that. We may not like that, but there is always some kind of sacrifice to have the best. Sometimes that’s waiting longer to marry and/or to have sex than we wanted to. Sometimes that means giving up some activities or ways of entertainment. There is a sacrifice of dying to ourself to obtain our heart’s desire. Get close to Jesus to find out how we, personally, are to get in allighnment with Him, and how we, personally, are to surrender to Jesus.
In Yahweh’s marriage boundaries is where the sweetness of the honey shines. I know there are those who have given or taken honey outside the marriage boundaries. Even those who have had sex with the one person before they got married to, there are still soul ties and soul wounds that need to be healed to have the full complete marriage Yahweh intended for us. The good news is, Yahweh is a restorer of the past, and makes all things new. He heals the past. But let it be the past, and move forward out of the old life. Get rid of the old habits, and the same old patterns. That’s not the new person in Jesus, that’s the old person outside of Jesus. Keep yourself out of places and lifestyles, and away from people who pull you back into the old person and ways outside of Jesus.
Ladies, to have sex, there is a sacrifice. What sacrifice are we making? Is it righteousness leading to righteousness? Or is it death leading to death? We are to be pure as Yahweh is pure; not as the world is pure. The world’s purity is tainted. Jesus said to follow Him. It doesn’t matter what the next person does (John 21:21-22). “Well, she does this or that!” Jesus says, it doesn’t matter. Follow Him. No excuses. No validating excuses.
I know there is a lot that can interfere with sex even in Yahweh’s marriage boundaries. There are choices we can make that seem normal to do because they’re culturally accepted; however, these choices Yahweh does not accept. While we are waiting for sex before sharing it in Yahweh’s marriage boundaries, we may partake in masterbation. This will later hinder our experiences with sex in Yahweh’s marriage boundaries. Pornography on the internet, in programs, in movies, in cartoons, in pictures, in fantasy will also hinder our experiences. Lifestyles outside Biblical boundaries will also hinder our experiences. Sure these activities may feel good for a moment, but what’s the long term effect? How much baggage will we store up before choosing Yahweh’s marriage boundaries? Rape and molestation will also hinder our experiences. These last two need a more in-depth healing in Yahweh. All of these topics require their own Journal Entry to explain, but I’m bringing them up for us to recognize areas in our life we may need to clean out and get healing with to be in the fullness of Yahweh’s marriage boundaries.
The next step in a relationship is not sex. It’s marriage. Ladies, if he is not ready for the responcability of marriage then he is not ready for the responsibility of sex. It doesn’t mean a lady is dried up for not having sex outside Yahweh’s marriage boundaries; but rather, it means she is holding a promise, a special gift. When that promise, that gift, is opened in Yahweh’s marriage boundaries then it is a pure sweetness only found in Yahweh’s marriage boundaries.
After marriage the inishal relationship doesn’t stop, but rather becomes more purposeful, more intimate, more team work. Just like our relationship with Jesus is day by day, year by year becoming more purposeful, more intimate, more team work. The man gets to know us, ladies, like studying in school. We too with him. This is subject matter that should be exciting and fun to learn! Sure there’s work. There’s work in ceramics class too, but the work gets us to the fun parts! The work is fulfilling.
Marriage is a team work. The two become one. There are no lone rangers in marriage, otherwise, it’s a hard journey until both individuals die to ourself, surrender to Jesus, and serve each other’s needs and wants in Yahweh’s marriage boundaries, not our own. With both the man and us, ladies, working together, we are both getting our needs and wants met. We learn from each other. Just because we are different genders and have different rolls in the relationship, it doesn’t mean the other has less significant input of information in the relationship. It is a team work of sharing information, listening, and being led by Holy Spirit. A three fold cord is not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). A man, a women, and Yahweh. We must have Yahweh in the marriage to have a strong marriage that is full, satisfying, and lasts a lifetime.
Ladies, men are not to be left to lead the marriage on their own. It’s a team work. Yes, they are the covering, but the leadership is a teamwork. The two become one, making one leadership. The man is the covering by what he allows into the home through TV, entertainment, work, people, spirits, lifestyles, habits, perspectives, what he allows into the relationship, what he gives his children and wife permission or is in agreement with them to do, give, take, and go. He is the head leader of the home and of the relationship; however, when the wife is working beside him as a team he’s not making these decisions on his own. He has someone to discuss the ideas with, to have conformation with, someone to pray with, and have council with. It’s a team work.
Do we want a domineering husband? No. But we do want a man who is by our side working as a teammate. Eve was created from Adam’s rib, his side (Genesis 2:21-24); not his foot to be trampled on, nor his head to lord over him. It’s a side by side team work of giving and taking. The woman may be more delicate than the man (1 Peter 3:7), but they are teamed to do the work together. John and Lisa Bevere describe a woman as a delicate china cup, and a man as a sturdy mug. They both can do the same work of holding very hot stuff or cold stuff, but if they are both dropped the china cup is more likely to break first. This is why the man is the covering of the home, he is the sturdy frame work; and for the women to be the heart of the home, she is the tender care of the family. It’s a team work.
Yahweh never said for us to go into marriage blindly. He led by example when He knew clearly who He was marrying, what sacrifice He would have to make when He chose us, and then died on the cross for us (Romans 5:8-11). His love wasn’t blind. His love was sober minded, and purposeful. He chose us (Ephesians 1:4). He chose to die for us. He chose to marry us knowing we weren’t perfect, and we had a long way to go. We are all not perfect, but we can be heading and moving toward our perfection in Jesus. We will have to forgive each other. We will have to wait for each other to grow and mature in different areas of life and in Jesus. But we can keep pursuing a Yahweh fearing relationship together in Jesus in Yahweh’s marriage boundaries.
Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Ladies, take the lovey dovey glasses off, and look at who we are about to spend the rest of our life with. Do we all need work? Yes. Will he have flaws? Yes. Will he improve over time and in the marriage? As long as he keeps pursuing Jesus, he will. Will there be romance? Of course. But don’t be fooled by feelings and emotions. Those will pass and change. Then who are we left with? There’s going to be work ahead, ladies. Make sure we have a teammate who is up for the job. Make sure it’s the next step Yahweh is leading us to, and not the hidden parts of our loins pushing us along that path.
Marriage is a two becoming one phenomenon (Matthew 19:4-6). We each in the marriage are to be so surrendered to Yahweh and our spouse that when someone looks at us they would say “You must be so and so’s wife. You act just like him!” Or they say to your husband, “You must be so in so’s husband. You act just like her!” It’s how we are to be in Jesus. People should look at us and say, “You must be a Christian. You act so Christlike!” The two become one. Does it mean we take on the ungodly characteristics and lifestyles of our husband? Not purposefully, but if we are around someone long enough we do pick up on his traits whether good or bad. That is why we must be wise who we choose.
And yes, there is a choice. Yahweh may lead us to someone, but we have a choice to choose them or not. Just like he has a choice to choose us or not. The enemy also chooses someone for us. He uses our soul wounds and ungodly soul ties to divert us away from the plan Yahweh has for us, and to settle for someone who will make it more complicated, difficult or impossible for us to fulfill Yahweh’s plan in our life. That is why we must be close to Jesus to know how and with who He is directing us to. We must know Yahweh’s character to know He would not lead us into a relationship that would be outside His marriage boundaries. That would be contrary to His character of holiness and purity.
We can see in the story of Boaz and Ruth how Yahweh directed them together, but Boaz needed a little more help to understand Yahweh’s plan (Ruth 3-4). When Ruth went to lay at Boaz’s feet, she did not lay herself there as a concubine. She was spelling it out word for word for him that she was interested in him paying the bride’s price to marry her. He wasn’t taking the directing from Yahweh because he was insecure about his age. However, when Ruth laid at his feet it took him out of his slumber. Then she spoke word for word to him. “Hey Boaz! You are the man Yahweh has directed me to. You are my Redeamer. Will you marry me?” She was obedient to Yahweh’s leadership in her life by listening to the wise council of her mother-in-law. Boaz then had the revelation that, “Oh, it wasn’t just me that I liked her! It was Yahweh directing me to marry her!” He then acted in obedience immediately to pursue her, paid the price for her to be his bride, and then married her. He gave her the position of honor in their home. And Yahweh blessed both of them and their families because of their obedience to Him.
Ladies, we are worth pursuing. If a man isn’t willing to pursue us then how will he be strong enough to be the covering of our home? If he’s not getting it, and we have made clear our interests to him — we’ve spelled it out for him word for word, and he still doesn’t pursue us, then let him go. If he’s trying to get us to pursue him then he is too weak to cover us and our children in Yahweh’s marriage boundaries. We would have to lead our family in our marriage, and he would be lazy in his leadership. Though, we let him go, it doesn’t mean we have to be mean to him. It just means we don’t have to chase him down, nor give him priority in our life.
Ladies, we are worth being valued and cherished. We are worth for a man to be kind and tender toward us in his actions and his words; for him to woo our heart as Christ woos His bride, the church. If there is fear that if we don’t have sex with a man before marriage, the man will leave us or not marry us, then let him go. That is a spirit of fear. That is not of Yahweh. Where Yahweh has a man for us he will bring him to us in His boundaries. He doesn’t direct us to go outside His boundaries to be provided for by Him. Yahweh always provides for us when we are in His boundaries because that is where His protection is and where His greatest blessings are.
How do we know a man is interested in us? He shows he wants to spend time with us, he wants to get to know us; that he values our relationship. He sits beside us. He holds our hand. He looks for us, and takes time to spend with us. He goes out of his way for us. He calls us and visits us, and meets us in places that are reputable to meet at. He shows us we are more important than any friend he has in his life, aside from Jesus. He shows us and tells us that we are valuable to him, and we are worth the sacrifice of his time, the sacrifice of his gentle affection, the sacrifice of his money, and the sacrifice of what he highly values. He chooses to give up his independence as a bachelor to pursue, marry, and cultivate a deep team working relationship with us. He shows us that we’re not a piece of meat to him, but rather a woman worth knowing and caring for; that we are someone who is worth being a teammate with. He shows that what he finds most valuable to him to be less valuable than us, we are second only to Yahweh. Christ first, then us – the woman who he wants to pay the bride’s price for to marry. Maybe not in those exact words, but along those lines. There is a sweetness to the relationship between him and us that promises of something sweeter later in Yahweh’s marriage boundaries.
Ladies, start with a friendship with a man. Get to know him and what he values. Pay attention to how he interacts with you, others and leadership. Be wise ladies, pay attention to his friends, who he hangs around with, who he leans to for advice. Is he lead by Holy Spirit and wise godly council, or is he led by his buddies he acts foolish with, or his full on sex drive? Is he open, honest, and vulnerable with us? If he is hiding from us before the marriage, he will hide from us in the marriage. Pay attention to his family. How does he treat or act with his mother? How a man treats his mother is how he will treat us. That means, ladies, we also must be careful how we treat our daddy’s and the men in our life too. Men are watching us too. Family is important. Baggage, habits, character, and perspectives don’t change when we get married. It carries over, and has to be worked out through the marriage.
Ladies, build a relationship that will sustain and grow through all of the marriage. If there isn’t a friendship before the marriage, what will the marriage be? Sex duties? What about when sex isn’t possible or it’s difficult to have? Does it mean the marriage is worthless? No. Marriage is work. Relationships are work. They take time, energy, resources, and purposefulness to grow, mature, and maintain. So if we have gotten into a marriage because of raging hormones, know there may be more work ahead than we wanted, but the marriage is still valuable.
I’ve heard all of the reasons for having sex outside of Yahweh’s marriage boundaries, including my own. But they are only lies from the enemy to keep us from having the full promises of Yahweh. The more I see the value of who I am in Christ, and the more I see how precious the gift of sex is, the more I am purposeful and determined in my heart to wait for marriage to have sex. All the more I’m mindful of my choices of who I am with and where I go, and listening to Holy Spirit’s guidance. I don’t want to waste my life roaming outside of Yahweh’s boundaries trying to find something that might be good. I want what I know is good, and I’m willing to wait for it with Yahweh’s help.
Remember ladies, we are not a Christian because we go to church or read our Bible. We’re a Christian because we received Jesus Christ – Yeshua Messiah, as our personal Savior and closest Friend. By faith, we received His blood sacrifice for us – for our sins; His sacrifice that He freely gave to us as a free gift (Ephesians 2:8-9). He paid the bride’s price for us. He put us in a place of honor in His home. Ladies, we are not a concubine. We are not a slave. We are a bride. We hold a position of honor. The bride’s price is a great sacrifice that was paid for us. Ladies, we are worth waiting for.
Yahweh, we thank You for Your healing and deliverance from a concubine slave mentality spirit. Thank You for us seeing ourself as the bride with value and worth. Thank You for healing and delivering us from past mistakes, and moving us forward into the path You have for us to be on. Thank You, Yahweh, for the men to see the value and worth of a woman, and treat us with honor and care. Thank You, Yahweh, for the men to stand up, and be the head covering for their home that they are suppose to be. Thank You, Yahweh, for the men and us women to work together in our marriages as a team instead of apart in our own separate life; for the two to become one in our marriage; for both the men and us women to surrender to You and each other completely in Your marriage boundaries.
Yahweh, we are in agreement with You for healing and delivering our children, even us, who were born outside Your marriage boundaries. We break, cut, renounce, nullify all curses, all bondage, all lies, all fears, all imperatives, all works of the enemy that were allowed in us and our child’s life because of being born outside Your marriage boundaries. As Your child, Yahweh, we are now under Your covering. As they are our child we put them under Your covering too. We bless them with Your covering of protection and favor. All in Jesus’ beautiful name. Amen.
